


Made a Man

by MotherOfMonsters



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: M/M, Mental Health Issues, Non-Consensual, Past Child Abuse, Rape, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-18
Updated: 2017-11-18
Packaged: 2019-02-04 00:21:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12759261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MotherOfMonsters/pseuds/MotherOfMonsters
Summary: I wrote this in 2012 as an anon fill forthisprompt:Thor and Loki are on a hunting trip in another realm when Loki kills a sacred animal and enrages a local tribe. The punishment for this crime is either rape or death and Loki chooses death, but Thor tells the captors Loki chose rape. The sentence is carried out.Bonus points for - Loki being totally traumatized by what happened and blaming Thor for not letting him die and Thor feeling incredibly guilty about the whole thing.All the points for - Thor is the one who must carry out the sentence.Set before the first Thor film.





	1. Chapter 1

“This is the finest kill I have seen in a long time, Loki,” Thor said as he admired the beast. “All of Asgard will be amazed when they see this creatures pelt.”

Loki stood proudly with his foot on the rump of the massive creature. A magnificent stag that stood 6 ft tall to the shoulder, and wore a set of antlers on it's head that grew thick like the branches of a tree. Its fur was long and lush, a pale sandy brown colour that seemed to shimmer in the sunlight. They had never seen anything like it, and Loki had successfully brought it down with a magical dagger to the neck.

“I would like to take the head back as a gift for father, but I am not sure my horse would be able to bear it's weight,” Loki said, as he began the long task of skinning the stag. “It seems such a shame to leave those magnificent antlers here.”

“We'll eat well tonight,” Thor said, smiling. “We will have the largest rump steak you have ever seen.”

“Aye, and Volstagg will be the most jealous man in the whole of the nine realms when we tell him.”

“Loki…” Thor said lowly, his eyes fixed on the hill top.

Loki looked at his brother, and then followed his staring eyes to the brow of the hill.

Grey storm clouds swirled over the heads of a troop of giants who had appeared. They were mounted on enormous black shaggy beasts, and they were pointing down to where Thor and Loki stood.

“I do not like the look of this,” Loki said, taking a step back from the stag, as he cleaned the blood from his hands. He made sure he kept a fast grip upon the knife, just in case the giants were hostile.

With a flash of light the entire group of giants suddenly appeared next to them, and the brothers jumped back. The largest of the giants, clad in a cape made of the skin of the same deer Loki had killed, dismounted his steed and walked towards to them.

Loki raised his free hand, preparing to blast the giant should it attack.

“Do not attempt to use your magic against me, little one,” the giant said. “You will find it quite pointless. I have more power than you could ever dream of.”

“What do you want?” Thor asked.

“I am Asavid, leader of the Misratti people. You have killed the stag of the Kalallee,” the giant said. It sniffed, moving its nose towards Thor, and then towards Loki.

“Only men, as you say, are allowed to kill this creature,” the giant said, as it gazed at Loki, “And you are no man.”

“Excuse me?” Loki asked.

“You are not a man,” it stated calmly.

“How dare you question me like that, I am a prince of Asgard!” Loki raged, “The All-Father will have your tongue for such slander.”

“No, you do not understand. You have not lain with another, therefore you are not a man.”

Loki scowled slightly, and then said, “Do not be ridiculous, of course I have.”

The giant took a step closer to him and spoke menacingly, “It does not bode well for you to lie to us, little one.”

Loki paused for a second, and then snapped, “So what if I have not lain with another. It makes no difference.”

“Loki!” Thor shouted, turning to his brother. “You told me you deflowered an entire temple full of sorceresses on your trip to Vanaheim last summer!”

“Oh,” Loki said as his cheeks flushed red with embarrassment. “They do not call me the lie-smith for nothing.”

“Well, it appears at least one of your reputations is well earned,” Thor replied.

“You have committed a grave crime,” the giant said, “You will accompany us to our village for punishment.”

Before they could open their mouths to protest the giant moved its hand, there was a flash of light, and the landscape changed.

 

 

“This is not fair, we did not know of your laws,” Thor said to Asavid, as Loki was taken to another part of the building.

“Ignorance is no excuse. The law must be upheld.”

“Then what is to be my brother's punishment?”

“The punishment for any boy who kills the stag of Kalallee is death.”

Thor's mouth dropped open and he said, “You jest. He killed a stag, and you would take his life for that?”

“The stag of Kalallee is a rare and sacred creature. It is the source of our power. When a man kills the stag he takes it's power into himself and it makes his magic strong. When a boy kills a stag that magic is wasted. There are so few stags now that there must be a strong deterrent.”

“If you harm my brother my father will lay waste to your village.”

“And your father will find himself defeated,” Asavid replied menacingly.

“Please,” Thor said, “There must be a compromise. We truly did not know the stag was so sacred to your people. My brother will apologise for taking its life. There must be another way.”

The giant paused a while, deep in thought, and then said, “Very well, if the little one becomes a man before sundown we will not end his life.”

“This is excellent news!” Thor said. “I shall tell my brother at once. I am sure he will agree.”

 

  
Loki sat at the end of the bed in a small, sparse room watching the sun begin to set across the rolling hills. He looked up when he heard a key turn in the lock and saw Thor enter.

“What are they going to do to me?” he asked, as Thor sat at the other end of the bed.

“A compromise has been reached,” Thor said, “The usual punishment for killing the stag is death-”

“Death? For killing a _stag?_ ” Loki asked in disbelief.

“Let me finish… They have agreed to let you live on one condition.”

“And what is that?”

“You will have to lay with someone before the sun goes down.”

_“What?”_

“It is the only way they will let you live.”

“Then I choose to die,” Loki said, turning his head away from Thor.

“Do not be ridiculous, Loki. You must do as they ask.”

“I will not debase myself like  _that_  for the whims of a race of giants,” Loki said, drawing his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around them defensively.

“But Loki-”

“Are you deaf?” Loki snapped. “I said no. It must show you how little I want to partake of such disgusting acts if I am prepared to let them end my life instead.”

“It will not be so bad, brother. You may actually enjoy it.”

“Enough!” Loki shouted. “There will be no more discussions on this subject. I have chosen my fate. Let me die with my honour and my dignity intact.”

Thor sat silently for a moment, knowing he had little time, and watched his brother rock gently on the bed. He wanted to find the perfect words that would persuade him, but found them lacking, so instead he left the room.

Asavid was waiting outside and he asked, “Was your brother agreeable to the terms?”

“Yes,” Thor said. “My brother chooses to be made a man.”

“An excellent choice,” the giant said. “I will inform the council of elders. They will wish to witness the event to ensure justice is done.”

“Do you know of a maiden who would willingly lay with my brother?” Thor asked.

“A maiden? Our kind only has one sex. We are not divided like other races.”

Thor's face fell and he said, “I will have to go back to Asgard and find a courtesan.”

“There is no time. The sun is almost setting. The act must be performed now, or we will be forced to carry out the sentence of death.”

Thor thought for a moment. He could not ask for one of the giants to do it, they were simply too big, and it quickly became clear there was only one option.

“Then I shall do it myself,” he said.

 

 

Thor entered the room, followed by four of the Misratti giants, who stood against the wall. With a dark look on his face he placed a jar of oil on the small table next to the bed.

“If that is to be my last meal it is a rather strange one,” Loki said, looking at it.

Thor did not speak, he sat down and paused for a second as Loki observed his face, trying to figure out what was going through his mind. Suddenly Thor pushed Loki back onto the bed and started tugging at the laces of his trousers.

“Thor what are you doing?” Loki shrieked, flying into a panic and trying to push Thor's hands away.

“I am sorry Loki,” Thor said. “I cannot lose you, brother. I will not allow you die.”

“No, no, no!” Loki babbled, trying to squirm away from Thor's grasp, but the laces on his trousers were undone, and Thor was dragging them down.

“I will try to make this as painless as I can for you, brother,” Thor said, looking into Loki’s panic-stricken eyes. “I hope you will forgive me one day, but I cannot allow them to kill you.”

Loki watched helplessly as his brother took hold of his flaccid penis, and gasped. Only one other had ever touched him there, long ago, and it was every bit as humiliating as he remembered. He had run away that time and escaped to the safety of his mother's arms. When she asked why he was crying he had lied and told her Thor had called him a name. There would be no escape this time.

Thor leaned down and licked the head of Loki’s cock, an action that caused his brother to cry out. He lowered his mouth over the limp flesh and began to suck gently, hoping to tease it into life so he could impale himself it and ride his brother until at least one of them came.

Thor had been with many men before, but this was _Loki_ , and while he loved him as dearly as anyone could love a sibling, he had never once thought of him in a sexual way. He didn't want to do this, but he couldn't let Loki die. He knew his brother would hate him, but he would rather that, than lose him altogether.

Loki was laid back on the bed sobbing and covering his face his hands. Thor hadn't managed to coax so much as a twitch from Loki’s cock and it remained stubbornly soft. He placed a hand on Loki’s stomach, pushing it up under his tunic and over the flat expanse of his waist so he could brush his fingers over his chest.

As soon as the fingers touched his nipple, Loki started to panic again, his hands grasped the hem of his tunic to pull it down and his legs started moving. Thor realised this would not work, released his brother's cock from his mouth and sat up.

“I am sorry Loki,” he said. “I did not want to do it this way, but I have no choice.”

He flipped Loki over onto his stomach, pulled his trousers further down, reached over for the jar and unscrewed the lid. The sudden realisation of what was about to happen struck Loki as Thor dipped his fingers into the oil, and he was filled with fear.

“No, Thor! Please!” he begged. “Please, please don't do this to me!”

“I'm sorry. I will try not to hurt you,” Thor said as he leaned over and rubbed an oil-slicked fingertip over his brother's puckered hole. Loki was paralysed with sheer terror, unable even to scream, as Thor's fingertip pushed inside him gently.

Thor tried to ignore Loki’s quiet whimpers as he worked his finger deeper, opening up his incredible tightness as tenderly as he could. He withdrew his finger and applied more oil, then returned, this time pushing in two fat fingers.

“Thor, please,” Loki said, lifting his head from the pillow, his face a tear stained mess. “You're hurting me.”

Thor said nothing in reply and instead kept moving his fingers inside his brother's body, stretching out the tense muscles, knowing a little time now would make it easier later.

“You do not have long,” Asavid said. “The sun is dipping below the hills already. You must complete this now.”

Thor looked at the giant angrily, withdrew his hand and wiped it on the bed sheet. He reached over, pulled Loki’s trousers down his legs, and threw them on the floor.

He fumbled with the cords that held his own trousers up, his fingers feeling suddenly fat and clumsy, pulled them down and kicked them off, along with him boots. He grabbed his own cock and rubbed oil down it's thick length, working it till it was hard, then he knelt on the bed, settling between Loki’s thighs.

Loki was horrified when he felt the mattress dip and as his brother lowered his weight onto his back he realised this was really going to happen, Thor really was going to defile his body with this monstrous act.

Thor placed the thick head of his cock at Loki’s entrance and pushed gently. Loki’s body immediately went rigid, then started thrashing wildly.

“No! No, Thor, I beg you, no!” he screamed.

“Hush Loki, it will be over soon,” Thor said into his brother's ear. He pushed fully into his brother's body, then wrapped his other arm around him to stop his panicked movements.

The gathered tribesmen nodded to each other, murmuring their approval, and gave a polite smattering of applause.

He paused for a moment, trying to let Loki’s body adjust to the intrusion and then began to move. Loki did not attempt to struggle again, his body lay limp under Thor, sometimes issuing pained moans as he rutted against him.

Thor was surprised how quickly his orgasm approached, regardless of the horror of the situation. His paced quickened, hammering now and Loki was moaning again as the rhythm went all wrong, his strokes pounding and desperate and he came with a shuddering cry.

“It is over now, brother,” Thor said, catching his breath. He leaned back, pulling out and then found himself alarmed at the amount of blood that covered both his cock and Loki’s thighs.

“Congratulations, little one,” Asavid said, as the Misratti elders began to file from the room. “This is a glorious day for you. You are a man now.”

As soon as Thor rose from the bed Loki made a grab for his trousers, pulling them off the floor and then yanking them back on quickly without cleaning himself. He eyed his brother warily, struggling to find a position that did not cause him pain, as Thor pulled on his own trousers and then his boots.

“Brother, I know you are angry with me, and you have every right to be” Thor said.

“Get out!” Loki shrieked, leaning across to the table to grab the jar of oil and flinging it across the room. It missed Thor's face narrowly, exploding on the wall behind him and peppering him with oil and fragments of glass.

Thor left the room without another word.


	2. Chapter 2

The Misratti, satisfied that Loki had recompensed for his crime, had allowed them to go free and they travelled to the edge of the camp where they could call the Bifrost.

“Your name will be known across the nine realms, little one,” Asavid had said to Loki, as he handed him the pelt of the deer. “You are worthy of this fur now. You will feel the effect of its power soon enough.”

 

Loki was having great difficulty walking, limping along, six feet away from Thor, who lead their horses. He paused and bent over, wincing as he drew his knees close together. He placed a hand on his lower belly, as he took a shuddering breath.

“Let me help you,” Thor said as he quickly moved to Loki’s side, and put a hand on his shoulder.

“Don't touch me!” he shouted as he turned and landed a savage punch on Thor's cheekbone. Thor fell to the ground, stunned.

“Heimdall!” Loki screamed at the sky. The Bifrost opened immediately, thumped down to the ground a foot from where Loki stood and he ran into it.

Thor started to climb to his feet, and as he moved towards the Bifrost it vanished, taking Loki with it, and leaving him stranded.

 

  
Loki collapsed to the floor of the observatory as soon as he exited the Bifrost. Heimdall moved to his side and knelt.

“You saw?” Loki asked.

“I did,” Heimdall replied impassively.

“Did Thor do me wrong?”

“He did.”

Loki lay on the cold floor, satisfied in the knowledge that someone was on his side. He allowed his eyes to close and felt all the warmth leech out of his aching body.

“You require a healer,” Heimdall stated, he leant over and picked Loki from the floor easily. He struggled weakly in the watcher's arms for a moment before his strength gave out and he could fight no more, as Heimdall carried him to the healing chambers.

 

 

Frigga stood outside the healing chambers, gathering her courage to enter. Heimdall had explained to her what he had witnessed and she knew Loki needed her to be strong while he couldn't. She entered and the healer approached her.

“How is my son?” Frigga asked, looking past the old woman and seeing Loki laid on a bed, bathed in golden light from the setting sun.

“He refuses all treatment,” she said. “Perhaps, my queen, if you were to talk with him, he might allow us to deal with his injuries.”

She nodded and walked over to Loki. He smiled weakly when he saw her approach and as she reached him she took his hand in hers.

“My poor child,” she said, gently stroking his hair, and as he started to cry she pulled him close to her chest, wrapping her arms around him.

“Mother,” he whimpered, moving his head closer to hers so his mouth was by her ear. “It hurts…”

“My son…” she said, closing her eyes at the pain in his words, gently rocking him. “The healers will stop the pain, if you allow them.”

“Thor-”

“Is not here,” she said comfortingly. “Heimdall will keep watch over him, and will not allow his return until Odin sees fit.”

“Thank you.”

“Loki, will you allow the healers to tend to your wounds if I remain here with you?”

“Yes, Mother,” Loki said quietly.

“Would the prince prefer a sleeping draught?” The healer asked as she approached.

“No!” Loki shouted, horrified at the idea of someone touching him while he slept.

Frigga encouraged him to look at her and concentrate on the sound of her voice, telling him that he was safe and no one was going to hurt him. He veered between crying and panicking as his trousers were removed. Frigga winced as Loki was turned onto his side and encouraged to draw his knees up so the woman could wash the dry, crusted blood from his skin.

“I must apply healing salve now,” the healer said. “It must be placed inside also, to heal the wound there.”

“No. No. No…” Loki started saying, shaking his head rapidly, and pushing Frigga away from him, but she grabbed his arm and kept hold.

“Loki,” she said gently. “You must remember that the healer is here to help you. I know you are scared, but once she has applied the salve it will all be over with.”

Loki nodded, wrapped his arms tightly around himself, and curled his head into his mother's body as she held him.

When it was over Loki felt worn out and dizzy, he soon fell into an agitated sleep and Frigga stayed to watch over him.

 

 

The next day Loki was declared fit enough to leave the healing chambers, he was given more of the salve in a small pot to apply himself and his mother escorted him back to his quarters.

“Do you wish me to sit with you for a while?” Frigga asked, at the door.

“No mother, I am very tired and would like to rest, but thank you for staying with me in the healing chambers,” he replied.

“I will come back this evening to check on you,” Frigga said, and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “If you need anything do not hesitate to send for me.”

“I will mother, thank you,” he said, quickly entering the room and using magic to bar the doors shut behind him. He leant against the door and slid down it till he was sat on the floor with his knees tucked up to his chest.

 

 

When Loki heard the Bifrost activate he knew that this was it. Thor was coming back to Asgard after several days of languishing in the Misratti realm. Odin had returned from his diplomatic mission to negotiate a treaty between two warring tribes earlier in the day, and had been informed of the situation between his sons.

Wearing his armour and helmet helped Loki feel slightly less vulnerable, but he was still on the verge of hyperventilating as he stood in front of the throne. He could not even bring himself to look at his brother, who stood no more than six foot away, on his right.

“Thor, you have been accused of violating your brother,” Odin said as he stood before them. “Do you have anything you wish to say in your defence?”

“I am aware that I did Loki great harm, and for that I am truly sorry,” Thor said, regretfully, “But I stand by my deeds. My brother would be dead now if I had not acted as I did. There was no other way, and I would do the same thing again.”

“Loki,” Odin asked. “Do you have anything you wish to say?”

Loki shook his head and looked down. He had no words, and his voice was lost.

“Very well,” Odin said. “Thor, in light of the fact that you have shown remorse for the injury you caused your brother, and that your actions saved his life, I decree that the time you spent exiled with the Misratti is punishment enough.”

Loki’s hands formed tight fists and every muscle tensed, causing him to shake violently. Thor was not going to be punished. Thor had used his body in the most disgusting way possible, and received not even a stern word in response. He felt his mother's hand on his shoulder.

“I am sorry, Loki,” Frigga said. “I pleaded with him to change his mind, but he would not hear of it. Odin says Thor saved your life, and one day you will be glad of it.”

“I would like to be excused, if I may,” Loki said.

“Of course, my child.”

“Thank you,” he said, and left the throne room with Thor following on his heels.

“Loki,” Thor said grabbing his arm and pulling him back, pushing him into the corner. “We must have words brother, we must talk about what happened.”

“I have nothing to say to you Thor, now leave me be,” Loki hissed, trying to push past his brother and finding his way blocked. Blind panic overtook him when he realised he would not be able to run away, and as anxiety and adrenaline flooded his body all he wanted to do was escape.

In his terror he found he could summon no magic to defend himself, his brain was too clouded, so he drew back his fist and slammed it into Thor's face as hard as he could. Thor fell backwards, clutching his bleeding nose and without a thought Loki leapt onto him. His knees landed either side Thor chest and he rained down blows onto brother's face until it was a bloody mess.

He felt hands on his arms, pulling him back till he was stood on the other side of the corridor. Two palace guards held him and he snarled like a feral animal, ripping his arm free from one guard and punching the other one so hard he fell motionless to the floor.

He wheeled round, his cape twirling behind him, as he threw himself onto the remaining guard and knocked him to the ground. He grabbed the guard's helmet and rammed his head repeatedly into the marble.

“Loki!” Frigga cried, and he paused his attack on the guard, watching as she bent down to help Thor sit up. Odin stood next to her, a dark look upon his face.

Loki stood and pointed a shaking finger at Thor.

“He took something from me!” he rasped out. “It was _mine_ , it was important and HE. TOOK. IT.”

“Control yourself, boy,” Odin boomed. “The matter has been dealt with.”

“I should have known you would choose him over me,” Loki said, his voice getting louder and more venomous with every word, “Thor, the golden child who can do no wrong, heir to the throne, perfect,  _perfect_  Thor”

“Halt!” Odin shouted as Loki began to advance slowly across the corridor, one winding step after another, as he continued his tirade.

“And then there is poor, imperfect Loki. Always such a disappointment to his parents, the complete opposite of his faultless,  _flawless_  brother.”

Loki raised his hand and swiped it down claw like through the air, his rage transferring to his magic as two rake marks, caused by invisible talons, ripped through Odin's chest armour and blood spilled from the torn edges.

Odin raised Gungnir, but still Loki advanced, and he blasted him in the chest with a bolt of energy from the spear that threw him into the wall on the other side of the corridor, where he fell unconscious to the ground.


	3. Chapter 3

When he woke, Loki had not been at all surprised to find himself in a sparse prison cell in the dungeons. He had attacked the All-Father, and that was not a crime that would be forgiven lightly.

Guards would occasionally pass the barred side of the cell, not even glancing at him and Loki would shrink back into the shadows as they walked by, hiding in the darkest corner.

Lying on the thin, hard bunk his thoughts ran wild with him, veering sharply between feeling sorry for himself and his all-consuming hatred of Thor. He would make him pay for what he had done, the way he had held him down and… Loki remembered how the bed dipped when Thor had climbed on it, the feel of his brothers body warm against his back, and the pain when he had been taken. It felt so real, like it was happening again and he felt his heart start to pound.

He couldn't breathe.

He was breathing, but there was no air in the room, and it felt like the walls were closing in on him. He jumped up and ran to the bars, banging his hands on them.

“Help!” he shouted. Trying to get the attention of the guards at the end of the corridor. “Help, please!”

Loki was desperate, on the verge of collapsing, when a guard finally appeared.

“What do you want, traitor?” he spat.

“You have to let me out!” Loki gasped. “I need a healer right away.”

“Odin said you are to remain here until you can control yourself.”

“Please. I can't breathe! Call for my mother, please, just help me,” he panted, struggling to draw air into his lungs, his vision dimming around the edges.

The guard eyed him for a second, then said, “I will alert the queen to your request.”

“Thank you,” Loki said and turned round, allowing his back to slide down the bars as he slumped to the floor, feeling the world get darker.

 

  
Loki could feel a hand stroking his hair as he woke, and heard his mother's gentle, comforting murmurs.

“Mother,” he said. “I think I am dying. I could not breathe.”

“No, Loki,” She replied, smiling. “The healer has been, she said you are suffering from hysteria, and has recommended that you be allowed to return to your rooms.”

“Odin has agreed to that?”

“There will be guards stationed outside your doors, and you will not be allowed to leave for any reason, until he decides what punishment you shall receive.”

“I do not have to stay here?”

“No,” Frigga said. “The guards are assembled outside to escort you, now you have awoken.”

 

Loki felt more relaxed when he was back in his own quarters, after been brought back by 30 of the palace guards, who had all eyed him nervously. Frigga stayed with him while he slept for a few hours and woke him in the evening when food was delivered on two trays.

“You must eat Loki,” Frigga said, watching as he picked nervously at some bread, tearing small pieces off it and then dropping them on his plate, not a single one going anywhere near his mouth.

“I'm not hungry,” he replied.

“You must regain your strength.”

“I'm not hungry!” he shouted, slamming his hand down on the table, startling himself with the violence of his outburst, and tears welled in his eyes. “I am sorry. I didn't mean to shout. I don't know what has come over me.”

“It is not long since you were injured Loki,” his mother said, placing her hand on his. “Things will improve, in time.”

“If you will excuse me, mother, I am tired and should like to rest again,” he said, pulling his hand away from hers and wiping it on a napkin.

“Of course, my love, you must still be exhausted,” she said and then stood, directing a handmaiden to take away the empty plates.

 

He sat back down in his chair after she left and pushed the tray away. Feeling grubby from his afternoon in the dungeon, he decided wash before he slept, and as the bathroom filled with steam, he shed his clothes and caught sight of his own reflection. He felt repulsed by what he saw.

In the bath he scrubbed his skin till it was raw and blood oozed from his pores. He knew it should hurt, but all he felt was numbness. He wondered perhaps if he had died in the dungeon and was a walking corpse, nothing more than lifeless shell.

He conjured a magical dagger and ran the tip of it along the inside of his left forearm, seeing it dent the skin, but the feeling was dull, like it was far away and he was disconnected from his body. He turned the knife and drew the sharp side of the blade over his skin, watching it peel apart. As the blood started to flow he breathed a sigh of relief and realised he was still alive, for a corpse could not bleed.

 

  
Loki was woken the next morning by his father's arrival in his room. He strode in, followed by Frigga, surrounded by many guards. Loki pulled the blankets around himself, ashamed of his dishevelled appearance.

One of the guards stepped to the end of the bed and read from a scroll, “Loki Odinson, you have been found guilty of attacking the All-Father. You will be confined to your quarters for seven days.”

“Thank you,” Loki said, grateful the punishment had not been worse.

“Take the books,” Odin ordered.

“Odin, _no_ ,” Frigga protested, as the guards began clearing the shelves.

“He must be punished for his actions,” Odin said and then he turned to Loki. “Are there others that are not on the shelves? If you lie to me you will feel the consequences.”

Loki shook his head and said, “That is all there is.”

“They will be returned to you after seven days have passed.”

“Thank you, Father.”

Odin swept out of the room, followed by the guards, their arms filled with his spell books.

“I will talk to him,” Frigga said, after they left.

“It is fine, mother. I committed a crime and deserve my punishment.”

“Confinement perhaps, but this is just cruel.”

“It is still preferable to being confined to the dungeons,” he pointed out.

 

  
For seven days Loki sat in his room with only his thoughts to amuse him. At first he filled his time with baths, sleep and practising simple spells. After he grew weary of that he spent many hours sat by the window wrapped in a blanket, observing the busy life of Asgard far below him.

He watched the Bifrost open and wondered what wonderful adventures awaited the traveller, but then his thoughts turned to his last trip across it. He tried to block what had happened from his mind, but it did not work, and sometimes when he thought of it the memories were so real it felt like it was happening again.

He barely slept now, every time he lay on his bed he thought he could feel the mattress dip with the weight of someone crawling in next to him, and the trays of food brought in for him three times a day were left were taken away almost untouched.

On the sixth day he saw Thor riding his horse down to the observatory with his red cape flying brightly, as his friends followed behind him. Loki was dismayed that his brother was free to roam over Asgard, while he was held prisoner. Thor's crime was considered less important than his. Thor had deliberately violated him in the worst way possible and he was free, but he, who had struck out simply in blind panic, had received a harsher sentence.

Loki ran to the bathroom, vomited yellow bile into the toilet, and then collapsed back onto the cold marble floor, his body shivering.

He rolled up his left sleeve, conjured a magical knife and drew it along the soft skin of the inside of his forearm. He watched as the blood welled from deep within the cut, spilled over the edges and dripped onto the floor, splattering into crimson flowers that showed he was still alive. He drew the knife down his skin again and relished the feeling as everything else slipped away and this was the only thing that mattered anymore.

 

  
On the eighth day Loki’s books were returned as promised, and he was allowed to leave his room, but could not even find the will to leave his chair.

His mother came to visit him later in the evening, and he feigned tiredness for much of her stay to avoid speaking to her.

“I would like it very much if you would walk with me in the gardens, tomorrow,” Frigga said. “I have missed you terribly these past seven days.”

Loki was about to reject her offer when he saw the expression of genuine concern on her face and felt guilty, “That would be lovely, mother.”

“Very well. I shall call for you in the morning after breakfast,” She said smiling, and then stood to leave. “Rest now, my son, you look exhausted.”

“I will, mother, thank you.”

 

  
It was with enormous trepidation that Loki followed his mother down to the gardens the next morning. His heart hammered in his chest, expecting to see Thor around every corner.

Frigga told Loki about all the day-to-day events of the palace that he had missed while confined and he, in turn, faked caring about the latest gossip. He knew all the right replies to give and the right facial expressions to wear, but it was all a sham.

Inside he felt dead, his heart like a stone, and all he wanted to do was run back to his room, but he did not want to be impolite to his mother. The only news she had that genuinely interested him was the fact that Thor had left to go on an extended hunting trip, and had not said when he would return.

“Loki,” Frigga said, pausing under the shade of a cherry blossom tree. “You are bleeding.”

Loki looked at his left hand and saw a trail of blood snaking down from inside his sleeve and said, “It is nothing. I merely caught my arm on a loose nail.”

“Let me see,” Frigga said, taking hold of his hand and he ripped it away violently from her. “Let me see, or I will call the guards to take you to the healers.”

Loki’s lips drew into a thin taut line, he held his hand out to his mother and looked away. She rolled up the sleeve of his tunic and began to peel away the strips of material he had ripped from an under shirt to bind his wounds.

“Loki!” she exclaimed when she saw the numerous raw, bleeding cuts. “You did this to yourself?”

He pulled his arm away, covering the cuts again and said, “There is no problem mother.”

“I do not understand. Do you wish to die?”

“No, it helps me feel better.”

“We must go to the healers at once.”

“No!” Loki snapped.

“But you are injured, my child.”

“I am perfectly fine. I need to return to my quarters now, if you will excuse me,” he said and walked away.

 

Loki scoured his spell books for a healing spell. If he could heal the cuts after he did them, he would be free to carve his flesh in any manner he saw fit. When the search of his own books proved to be futile he took nervous steps out into the corridor and made his way silently to the library.

Loki poured over ancient texts, books from different realms and in many different languages until his eyes felt gritty. After three days of fruitless searching he finally found the spell he needed in a dilapidated book that was housed in a forgotten corner of the library. It offered the ability to heal injuries unconsciously, and as Loki collected the supplies he needed he started to feel less vulnerable than he had in a long time. Once the spell was cast no one would ever be able to hurt him again.

 

Loki didn't feel any different after he completed the last words of the incantation. He had thought he would feel strong, just different, but nothing had changed and he decided to test the spell.

He rolled up his sleeve and removed the dirty bandages from his arm. The wounds had gone. The blood was still there, but the wounds themselves had closed and left his skin unblemished.

Loki conjured a knife, determined to test his new-found ability. He ran the sharp edge down his arm, the pain was still keen and the blood still flowed, but a second or two later the edges magically knit themselves back together.

  
Loki laughed excitedly, then slashed at his arm repeatedly until there was a pool of his blood on the floor, and watched as each wound healed itself. He wondered just how far he could go and just how injured could he get before it was too much.

He held out the dagger in front of him with both hands, and before his nerves got the better of him, he thrust it into his own chest. The pain was indescribable and as he withdrew the dagger the wound closed, leaving nothing but a tear in his tunic as a reminder. Loki laughed, his heart hammered inside him and he felt more alive than he had done in a long time.


	4. Chapter 4

Loki felt indestructible now. He spent his days in the library reading long forgotten spell books and his nights silently walking round the palace, learning how to hide in the shadows so he could pass unnoticed, even in the presence of others. With practise he had even learned to hide himself from Heimdall's all seeing gaze; a feat none had accomplished before.

His magic was growing stronger with each new spell that he learnt, and he took great pleasure in using it to upset other people. The palace guards were his favourite target and he would play endless tricks on them, stifling his mirth as they would wonder what was happening. Every time he made someone cry or scream with frustration he felt like it was sapping his own tears and aggravation from his very soul and replacing it with laughter.

When questioned on anything Loki took great pride in his ability to lie his way out of any situation. He loved nothing more than seeing the confusion on someone's face as he wove a web of deceit and then watched them fall into it. People had soon learnt that to call Loki a name in private would often result in feeling the enraged trickster's breath on the back of your neck, and they quickly learnt to fear his sharp tongue.

He became adept at teleporting himself from place to place, learnt how to create ephemeral duplicates of himself and mastered the art of shape shifting. He could become anything now; animals, birds, insects and even people.

His favourite shift was to turn himself into a woman and stand in front of his mirror wrapped in the sandy brown pelt of the magical deer he had killed. He would admire his long black hair, then run his hands down his generous curves and laugh till he cried.

 

 

One night he decided to jump from one of the high towers of the palace, just to see what would happen. He felt slight trepidation as he looked at the ground below him, wondering if perhaps this might be too much even for his magic. The wind whistled fiercely round him as he leaned over the edge, and then he realised he didn't care if he survived the fall or not, and let himself tumble over the parapet. He landed with a sickening crash that echoed through the palace.

Loki woke to find himself laid in a lake of blood with his limbs bent at peculiar angles. He sat up, straightened his right arm as best he could with his shattered left arm, and then repeated the process on the other side.

He watched with excitement as the bones popped themselves back into place and his torn flesh wove itself together. He straightened his legs and then stood, shrinking back into the darkness as the palace guards arrived and found only a mysterious bloodstain.

The next day rumours spread round Asgard that a vicious creature from the forests had somehow entered the palace and eaten someone, leaving nothing but a sea of blood. Some claimed it was the frost giants using ancient paths between the realms that had long been forgotten, and as Loki stood in the shadows listening to their conversations he found his curiosity piqued. He wanted to know about these hidden paths.

 

  
Thor had returned triumphant from his hunt and at first Loki had been terrified at the prospect of seeing him, but soon realised his brother could hurt him no longer.

The court was assembled. Loki eyed Thor cautiously from across the room for a moment, contemplating all the ways he would like to hurt him and then something struck him. He had been told where to stand when he entered the room; Thor on one side of the steps to the throne with the warriors three and Loki had been directed to stand with Sif and his mother. He had been placed with the women.

He guessed that it was his mother's idea to keep him separated from Thor, but why was Sif on this side of the room? Why not Fandral or Hogun? He drew up a list of options in his head, ranging from simple logistics to tradition, and then decided on the most obvious answer; he was no longer considered enough a man to be allowed to stand with them. He had, after all, allowed himself to taken like a woman, so obviously this was to be his place from now on.

Absolute hatred for Thor burned brightly inside him, he wanted to unleash a volley of magic so strong it would tear the flesh from the bones of everyone in the throne room, and then he felt something touch him. Frigga was gently stroking her palm down the back of his arm and he suddenly became aware of the sound of his own panicky breathing. She smiled as she ran her hand down and then took his hand in hers, and held it reassuringly.

“The time of the Odinsleep approaches,” the All-Father pronounced. “The time has come to choose my heir.”

Loki had to stop himself from rolling his eyes at the ridiculousness of the situation. There was never a choice. It was always a one horse race.

“After careful consideration, and in light of recent matters, I have chosen Thor to be king. The coronation will be in seven days time.”

Loki wanted to laugh out loud.  _In light of recent matters._ He felt hysteria rising within him; a cackle that wanted to come bursting the surface at the very idea that Thor would be a suitable king, and he knew he could not let that happen.

 

 

Loki had found the secret paths. References to them were hidden in ancient books so delicate they threatened to fall into dust when he turned the pages.

The first time he tested it he was rather surprised to find himself stood in Jotunheim in the middle of a blizzard, and quickly transported himself back to Asgard. He laughed as he brushed the snow from his shoulders, grinning, as he watched it melt in the blazing heat of the Asgardian summer.

The next time he went back he wore the magical deer pelt around his shoulders for warmth and walked through the snow until he met a group of Jotuns. They were mere striplings, barely into adulthood, and easily convinced that they would be welcomed back to their realm as heroes if they could return the casket to Laufey.

As Loki returned to Asgard he chuckled to himself. It was going to work. Thor would not be king.

 

 

  
On the eve of the coronation Loki had found himself unable to rest. His head buzzing with thoughts and spells and plans, listing all the things that could possibly go wrong, and thinking of responses.

He went to the library, feeling more comfortable there lately than anywhere in the palace, but soon exhaustion took over and his head flopped onto his book.

When he woke Thor was sat opposite him.

“You should go to bed, Loki,” he said.

“If I wanted to be in bed I would be there, would I not?” he replied, quickly tucking away the book, lest his brother see its contents.

They sat in silence for a while and Loki vowed to himself that he would not speak first.

Thor broke earliest and said, “It is the coronation tomorrow. It should be you standing up there, not I.”

Loki cackled in response, the mad laugh that had been waiting to pour out of him for 6 days.

“Oh  _yes_ , Thor,” he said, sarcastically. “Loki, king of Asgard. The citizens would probably burn down the palace rather than have me on the throne.”

“Do not be ridiculous Loki, you are much loved among the people.”

Loki snorted incredulously and said, “Do you not have ears Thor? You think I have not heard them talking behind my back? Calling me ergi, saying I am weak and saying how  _brave_  you were for saving my life.”

“I have heard none speak ill of you, brother,” Thor said, “And I do not feel brave.”

“I do not want to be king. All I ever wanted to be as loved and respected as you are, but you have seen to it that that will never happen now,” Loki said as he stood, his voice becoming angrier with every word.

“You are my equal, Loki. You are my brother.”

“If you really thought that you would not have enjoyed it.”

“I did not enjoy it, Loki. It was a horrible thing to have to do to you.”

“Really?” Loki shrieked, “You seemed to enjoy it when you spilled your seed inside me!”

Thor simply stared at him, he had no words with which to reply.

“Or is that what you wanted all along?” Loki said, walking round the table, trailing a finger across it. “Did you  _long_  for me, Thor? Did you want to feel me writhing naked beneath you?”

“Loki-”

“Did you watch me growing up, and wanted to make me your own?”

“Brother-”

“Perhaps it was just too good an opportunity for you waste?”

There was a flash of light, and Thor quickly realised he was now in his own room, sat on his bed, instead of the chair in the library.

“How did you do that?” he asked.

“Oh, I've learn many new tricks in your absence, brother,” Loki replied as he climbed onto the bed, his movements almost feline and seductive. “Would you like to see some more of them?”

Thor tried to move, but he could not, and his whole body felt like a lead weight was holding it down.

“It is pointless trying to struggle,” Loki said as he climbed onto Thor's lap, his breath hot on his brother's face.

“Is this what you wanted?” Loki said, licking his lips as he ground his crotch into Thor. “Your little brother all to yourself, to be touched by none but you?”

“Loki, stop this.”

Loki moaned obscenely as he writhed on top of Thor and ran his hands down to his brother's crotch.

“This is what you wanted,” he said breathlessly, pulling at the laces of Thor's trousers. “This is what you wanted. I'm going to show you just how disgusting and dirty I am.”

“Brother, _please_ , stop,” Thor cried, and Loki looked up to see tears running down his face. “I never wanted to hurt you, I just loved you too much to lose you.”

Loki paused, tears welling in his eyes, and he quietly said, “It's too late. You have lost me. I have lost myself.”

Thor felt the weight that was holding him to the bed lift, and he raised a hand to his brother's cheek. Loki’s hands went to Thor's chest, bunching in his clothing.

“When you beat me in the corridor, it was nothing less than what I deserved,” Thor said. “I left because I could not stand seeing how much I had hurt you.”

Loki made a noise, the likes of which Thor had never heard before. It sounded as if his very soul was tearing in two, as he leant his head back and cried out.

Panting, Loki threw himself forward, grasping at Thor, trying to find some kind of anchor. Thor wrapped his arms tightly around his shaking brother and gently stroked his hair as he murmured comforting words until Loki’s breathing returned to normal.

Loki felt dazed at first. He wasn't quite sure how long he had been laid in Thor's arms after his outburst and as he listened to Thor's meaningless words of so called comfort he felt his heart shrivel until it was like ice, the last part of him that was good, withered and died.

“Can you ever forgive me brother?” Thor asked.

“Yes,” Loki lied, and he thought _'Tomorrow I will show you exactly what kind of a man you made me.'_

He would have his revenge.

 

  
The plan had worked. The Jotuns had invaded the weapons vault and were dead, exactly as he hoped they would be. It didn't take him long to plant the seeds of war in Thor's mind with a few well-placed words, and they were going to Jotunheim. He had just one last thing to do before they set off across the Bifrost and everything would be perfect.

“My brother has lost his mind,” Loki told the guard. “He is set on a rash course of action and has decided to go to Jotunheim. Go to Odin immediately and tell him. I will accompany Thor and try to stop him.”

“Yes, my prince,” the guard replied.

As Loki walked away, the guard, tired of Loki’s constant pranks against his comrades, decided to wait before informing Odin, and he hoped that one day the trickster would finally get his comeuppance.


End file.
